VanTique

That was on the back of the van ahead of me in big cursive letters. Sorry, didn't have time to get a photo.

Presumably, "VanTique" is a custom auto shop or a conversion van style. But really, is that the intended, organic use of that word?

Shouldn't VanTique be the name for a sexual enhancement product for middle-aged women, one that is advertised on the Lifetime channel after 10 p.m.?

Although they'd never use this word, it would be an ointment. No one wants to hear about putting ointment on their zorch. They might show the vial or bottle, but that would be the extent of it. No problem, everyone would know it's some cream stuff and what you're supposed to do with it.

Revitalize your flower with VanTique.

There would be some testimonials.

"After 30 years, it's our honeymoon all over again!" a silver fox man would say and the girlish silver-haired woman on his arm would lovingly drop her head on his shoulder.

"I haven't felt like this in years," would be the assertion from an attractive fiftysomething woman. "And neither have I," would add the attractive fiftysomething man next to her with a rakish wink.

Then jazzy mellow music would ensue as the camera takes in a willowy couple dancing by the seashore next to a white-linen covered table upon which sit two champagne flutes and a candle.

VanTique. Do it for him. Do it for yourself.

Am I an underutilized talent or what?

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